“Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.” ~ Vaclav Havel

So I think I have finally made the decision to take action! No more free websites and inactivity!
Dear readers, I am going live with a REAL WEBSITE!
(Ok, chill Anthea. Too many exclamations....)

Isn't it funny how we often do things that don't really make sense? While I have finally gotten over the fear of buying things online, I have this THING against buying domain name and website hosting. I don't mind spending $50 on software for my new little internet business, but spending $5 p/m on webhosting has me shuddering. Odd. Silly really.

I mean, I could EASILY make that on fiverr.com (which, by the way, is SUCH a clever way to make money online. I think I should start sharing gigs here that I think are awesome. Like, there's this woman who, for ONLEE 5 bucks, will make a prank video of a very excited her being happy to have found your friend [insert name] and her SON will be oh so happy that she finally found daddy. Oh, I'm explaining it terribly. I'll see if I can find it...)

Anyway. So I am currently trying to decide on a domain name for my said business. what I wanted was taken. But then, in a stroke of pure genius, I inserted a hyphen and LO! it worketh!
SO now that that excuse was taken care of, I had to find hosting. Everyone keeps going on about GoDaddy, but when reading up on them, I heard of a lot of #$%^&. So I'm not too keen on them, though they are on special at the moment. Think I'm going to try out bluehost.com.  I think Mark Anastasi and George Brown (who are both awesome and know a lot about these things... apparently) were the ones who I first saw mentioning them.

BUT... aaaa! Apparently Bluehost belongs to the mormons and even the mention of 'sex' on your site can get you banned. And they don't like Zimbabweans (Check this nonsense out if you're interested)

seeing that I am going to be looking at web security, hopefully... my account will be safe. So here goes! 

"Do not spoil what you have by
desiring what you have not; but
remember that what you now have
was once among the things only
hoped for."
-- Epicurus

http://a_biswas81.diamondstorepharmacy.net/?camp=rubern

Lesson for the day: dont judge,
never assume. Everyone is dealing
with far more than you can
imagine. Always believe in the
greatness in a person, because no
matter how small, its there. And
all it might need to blossom is
your belief in it.
-AM-

All i want, simply put, it to FEEL love. To feel the need to celebrate it. To find myself writing love quotes or absent mindedly smiling. I want to feel special.
I wiSh i could be one of those youngsters old people look at and say "you think THIS is love? Oh my dear, its only the beginning"
But i dont.
In all honesty, this feels more like a good friendship with great benefits than true love.

And you know what the worst is? He has forgotten how to make me laugh.
And i feel little inclination to try make him smile.
And then there is the fact i have lost confidence in him. Not its all talk to me. I fail to see how he will make much of himself. Maybe he will do as i hope and surprise me, but if he does, ill never be able to say i had expected him to make it. Cos i dont. Iv told him ill stand by him and try push him. But it feels like a lie. How can i mean it when all i see is someone who just takes for granted and throws away. Like ryan, if things arent his way, he wont even try.
I miss anthony. His steadiness. His determination. He was never fickle, but solid.

I dont want to be the prize, i want to have the prize. I want the one with me to be ve envy of others, not have them thankfully sigh theyre in my place.
And oh, how he irritates me. Everyone, really. Its as if he goes out of his way to be a pain. He is rude and loud and embarrassingly impolite and childish.
I want to say he has changed, but now, thinking about things he has said about his past, and judging by what i know, this isnt the phase. The person i saw and wanted before, he was.
Cruel and harsh and probably unfair, i know. But i feel so let down. Betrayed almost. I honestly cant say i know why i didnt let things go the other night. I guess it just doesnt feel done yet. Its not meant to be the end. But will it ever come?
I think about Josh, as i have done almost everyday. And i wonder... What if.
I knew there was something there. Just like i knew with all the others worth remembering. But instead i excused myself and went home to hours of long monotonts fighting on skype.
What if?...
But thats lost now. Perhaps i havent called it quits cos i highly doubt meeting anyone here. That and i dont want to be alone (henk and steyn will have to choose him. Henk might stay, but will probably make things too awkward to see him alone anyway)
No... Those are elements yes. But not the reason. I must still love him, and i know im very attached. And i cant imagine a world without him. Maybe if i believed he could be a friend like david. But i know thats not possible, in any reality. If this does, it will go the way the last one did. If i really really reeeelly needed him, maybe hed care enough to be there. But otherwise, not. And how can i blame him. Hed always hate me on some level for not fighting on. I know him, his feelings run too deep and he takes the world too personally to forgive me. He has cut so many people out, willfully alienated himself from so many, that is shouldnt be too hard for him. But im not ready for that. I feel im worth more than that, damnit.
More than this?
You know, i dont give a rats ass about money spent on me or even sickly sweet messages. All i want is effort, thoughtfulness.
Perhaps it was all an illusion before, but i dont care. Im sick to death of trying, being rewarded with soppy i love yous and wanting to scream "so what? Make ME love YOU. Give ME a reason to be besotted for a change. Woo ME. Adore ME. Make me FEEL like the only girl in the world. Piss off you child who needs affection and comforting. Be the young man you are. Protect me, want me, desire me, hold me, lead me, guide me, make me adore you, worship you, desire you, be proud of you, boastful even. Be you. The great you. The you who isnt upset when i dont say i love you but rejoices when i show it. Please, undertand that its possible to have a soft heart but a strong backbone; that you shouldnt be hard on the inside and soft on the outside, but soft on the inside and strong outside."
Thinking these things makes me feel so guilty. Am i not accepting u for who u are?
I dont know... I do know though, that i disliked, to a large extent, the person i met. But i came to value the person he became... Was becoming.
I dont know. Hes had more chances... Big ones... Than is fair. But im giving his character one last chance to redeem itself. I cant put a time stamp to it, but i think ill know when the time has come to assess.
Either way, ill lose...
Lets just hope that whatever the outcome, the loss will be bearable, and that whatever i gain will outweigh it.

All i want, simply put, it to FEEL love. To feel the need to celebrate it. To find myself writing love quotes or absent mindedly smiling. I want to feel special.
I wiSh i could be one of those youngsters old people look at and say "you think THIS is love? Oh my dear, its only the beginning"
But i dont.
In all honesty, this feels more like a good friendship with great benefits than true love.

And you know what the worst is? He has forgotten how to make me laugh.
And i feel little inclination to try make him smile.
And then there is the fact i have lost confidence in him. Not its all talk to me. I fail to see how he will make much of himself. Maybe he will do as i hope and surprise me, but if he does, ill never be able to say i had expected him to make it. Cos i dont. Iv told him ill stand by him and try push him. But it feels like a lie. How can i mean it when all i see is someone who just takes for granted and throws away. Like ryan, if things arent his way, he wont even try.
I miss anthony. His steadiness. His determination. He was never fickle, but solid.

I dont want to be the prize, i want to have the prize. I want the one with me to be ve envy of others, not have them thankfully sigh theyre in my place.
And oh, how he irritates me. Everyone, really. Its as if he goes out of his way to be a pain. He is rude and loud and embarrassingly impolite and childish.
I want to say he has changed, but now, thinking about things he has said about his past, and judging by what i know, this isnt the phase. The person i saw and wanted before, he was.
Cruel and harsh and probably unfair, i know. But i feel so let down. Betrayed almost. I honestly cant say i know why i didnt let things go the other night. I guess it just doesnt feel done yet. Its not meant to be the end. But will it ever come?
I think about Josh, as i have done almost everyday. And i wonder... What if.
I knew there was something there. Just like i knew with all the others worth remembering. But instead i excused myself and went home to hours of long monotonts fighting on skype.
What if?...
But thats lost now. Perhaps i havent called it quits cos i highly doubt meeting anyone here. That and i dont want to be alone (henk and steyn will have to choose him. Henk might stay, but will probably make things too awkward to see him alone anyway)
No... Those are elements yes. But not the reason. I must still love him, and i know im very attached. And i cant imagine a world without him. Maybe if i believed he could be a friend like david. But i know thats not possible, in any reality. If this does, it will go the way the last one did. If i really really reeeelly needed him, maybe hed care enough to be there. But otherwise, not. And how can i blame him. Hed always hate me on some level for not fighting on. I know him, his feelings run too deep and he takes the world too personally to forgive me. He has cut so many people out, willfully alienated himself from so many, that is shouldnt be too hard for him. But im not ready for that. I feel im worth more than that, damnit.
More than this?
You know, i dont give a rats ass about money spent on me or even sickly sweet messages. All i want is effort, thoughtfulness.
Perhaps it was all an illusion before, but i dont care. Im sick to death of trying, being rewarded with soppy i love yous and wanting to scream "so what? Make ME love YOU. Give ME a reason to be besotted for a change. Woo ME. Adore ME. Make me FEEL like the only girl in the world. Piss off you child who needs affection and comforting. Be the young man you are. Protect me, want me, desire me, hold me, lead me, guide me, make me adore you, worship you, desire you, be proud of you, boastful even. Be you. The great you. The you who isnt upset when i dont say i love you but rejoices when i show it. Please, undertand that its possible to have a soft heart but a strong backbone; that you shouldnt be hard on the inside and soft on the outside, but soft on the inside and strong outside."
Thinking these things makes me feel so guilty. Am i not accepting u for who u are?
I dont know... I do know though, that i disliked, to a large extent, the person i met. But i came to value the person he became... Was becoming.
I dont know. Hes had more chances... Big ones... Than is fair. But im giving his character one last chance to redeem itself. I cant put a time stamp to it, but i think ill know when the time has come to assess.
Either way, ill lose...
Lets just hope that whatever the outcome, the loss will be bearable, and that whatever i gain will outweigh it.

Stop demanding my presence and give me a reason to desire yours - anne

The problem with long distance relationships is longing produces illusions of romance which reality can never meet. AM

But love, I've
come to understand, is more than
three words mumbled before
bedtime. Love is sustained by
action, a pattern of devotion in
the things we do for each other
every day.
- Nicholas Sparks in The Wedding

I won't soothe your pain.I won't ease your strain.You've been waiting in vain.I've got nothing left for you to gain.

you're about as lame as a potato in spring - AM

“The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are  improving yourself in some way – that you are increasing the caliber of who you are. I don’t ever worry about maintaining the quality of my life, because  every day I work on improving it.”

David Wild : 

if you have too many old things with sentimental value, you cant have space for new things which will also have sentimental value.
~ Marcell ~

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
-Aristotle

I know a place in Africa
Where I can feel the sun on my back
And the sand between my barefoot toes
Where I can hear the gulls on the breeze
And the waves crash on the endless shore

I know a place in Africa
Where the mountains touch the skies of blue
And the valleys shelter vines of green
Where the trees spread out a cloth of mauve
And the bushveld wears a coat of beige

I know a place in Africa
Where I can hear the voice of thunder gods
And watch their lightening spears thrown to earth
Where I can breathe the scent of rain clouds
And taste the sweet dew of dusty drops

This is the place of wildness
Of evolution and dinosaurs
Where life began and mankind first stood
Of living fossils and elephants
Where lions roar and springbok herds leap

This is the place of struggle
Of desert plains and thorn trees
Where pathways end and hunters track game
Of horizons and frontiers
Where journeys start and sunsets bleed red

This is the place of freedom
Of exploration and pioneers
Where darkness loomed and light saw us through
Of living legends and miracles
Where daybreak came and hope now shines bright

My heart is at home in Africa
Where the sound of drums beat in my chest
And the songs of time ring in my ears
Where the rainbow mist glows in my eyes
And the smiles of friends make me welcome

My mind is at ease in Africa
Where the people still live close to the soil
And the seasons mark my changing moods
Where the markets hustle with trading
And Creation keeps its own slow time

My soul is at peace in Africa
For her streams bring lifeblood to my veins
And her winds bring healing to my dreams
For when the tale of this land is told
Her destiny and mine are as one

© 2006 Wayne Visser

ANGIE THORNE ANGIE THORNE -I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific-

If I take one more step it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been. - Samwise Gamgee

you are given two eyes,

I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to…sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be. I know it’s a cornball thing. But love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I’m not hearing any heart. ‘Cause the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, ’cause if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.” – Anthony Hopkins role as “Bill Parrish” in the movie Meet Joe Black, heart to heart father/daughter talk

Pietie's BIG NIGHT OUT: "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in"

I've always said that by no means did i get here because of disiplin, no, i'm here because of motivation and drive...
Thats what my secret is, its my motivation, and its what drives me to become great, nothing else cud ever do that, and thats why i hold it in

When all your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed.
By Marilyn Manson

Jacques Steenkamp "Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?"

denial is not proof

A boy and his dog make a glorious pair
No better friendship is found anywhere
For they talk and they walk and they run and they play
And they have their deep secrets for many a day
And that boy has a comrade who thinks and who feels
Who walks down the road with a dog at his heels

He may go where he will and his dog will be there
May revel in mud and his dog will not care
Faithful he'll stay for the slightest command
And bark with delight at the touch of his hand
Oh, he owns a treasure which nobody steals
Who walks down the road with a dog at his heels

No other can lure him away from his side
He's proof against riches and station and pride
Fine dress does not charm him, and flattery's breath
Is lost on the dog, for he's faithful to death
He sees the great soul which the body conceals
Oh, it's great to be young with a dog at your heels!

Angie Thorne ♥ For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul ♥

Little Lady of the Land

Jacques Steenkamp "People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates."